My 2012 was full of surprises, both good and bad. It started with struggles and ended with a long flight back to my home in Malta. To say that I had no idea in January 2012 that I would be living in Europe in January 2013 is an understatement. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I do know this now, though, that the surprises and turns of 2012 give me hope for what 2013 may have in store.
My 2012 started with a story of struggle. My anxiety was damn near debilitating. I spent New Years laying in my bed watching a movie. I felt like there was nothing I could do, no one who would want to spend it with me. January was tough. I spent the month waiting for basketball season to be over so I could go to Paris with my mom. That was my light at the end of the tunnel.
February wasn’t much better. I always struggle in the first couple months of the year. Maybe its the lack of sunlight maybe it’s my pure dislike of my birthday. Whatever it was, I was ready for it to be over. My birthday was a bright spot, despite being stupid sick, enjoying my night with friends from Seattle and a trip to Reno.
March was fun. It was full of two trips to Vegas and a trip to Europe. That trip to Paris and Iceland turned my world upside down. It was during that two weeks that I decided I wanted to move abroad. It was time for me to grab life by the horns. I needed to get out of my job and my unhappiness and do something for me. April was filled with thinking about this new thought of adventure and how I was going to fulfill it.
May was a roller coaster. It started with my decision to apply to school. I started to slowly tell people that my remaining time in SF was short. It was welcomed with mixed feelings. There was a random 800 mile road trip to Seattle from SFO in a yellow Volkswagen bug. Then there was the day that changed everything. The day Don was killed. That day was my awakening that life is short and it was my time to go to Europe. All my thoughts of doubt before that day faded away. I needed to get away to preserve my sanity.
June came my acceptance and some solid family time. July was full of the same mixed with some anxiety about leaving everything and moving away. August and September were flat out scary. I re-branded a Division I NCAA Athletic Department and then promptly quit my job. I packed my apartment on my own and headed home to Seattle. I spent two weeks in the PNW; full of doubt and utter fear. It was too late at that point. I had quit, said my goodbyes and picked up my life. I couldn’t turn back.
Late September I was off into the unknown, Malta. Since then my life has been filled with school and travel…and less anxiety. It still happens, I have come to terms that it will always be there, but there’s less of it. The end of 2012 found me back in Seattle and New Years Eve I was getting on a red-eye to London. I was crying my eyes out. I think it was because I can afraid of the next 6 months; having to start over again. It may have been because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my friends and family. Either way, it was a tough goodbye.
2013 started with a trip to Istanbul (more about that later this week) and has a lot on the horizon. My hopes for 2013 is that is filled with more smiles than it is with tears. That there’s more moments of laughter than ones of fear and anxiety. That 30 isn’t too harsh on me and that my fear of being “30, single, unemployed with three Masters and living with mom and dad” doesn’t happen. It’s going to be challenge on my part but I am destined to be happy and hopefully 2013 is my year. I deserve and it’s about damn time I get one to treat me well.
My hopes for the year also include happiness for my friends. Some of them are going through a bit of self-discovery just like me. I hope they find their passions. I have some of the best friends a gal could ask for and wish that they could just let go and follow their dreams. I know it’s hoping for a lot, too, but a couple more Seahawks wins to start the year wouldn’t be so bad either. Ha. My city, Seattle, could use some good sports juju and I am hoping the Seahawks can rake that in for us!
I will be back later this week with Istanbul photos. Until then, here’s hoping that 2013 brings you all the happiness you could ask for.
“Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.” -Helen Keller